I knew right out the gate night weaning was not going to fly with our high-spirited child.
When my 13-month-old woke up FIVE TIMES one night, I had enough. Through a lot of patience, crying, and snuggles, she started sleeping 10-11 hours through the night.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. This was hard. Really, really hard.
You’re going to have to utilize all the mommy tools you’ve learned for comforting your child. You’ll also need to practice being as patient as a saint and have a sturdy backbone because the mom’s guilt is real.
Night weaning is difficult because your child is inconsolable and you know the ONE thing that will console them is right there. Your boob.
WHEN TO START NIGHT WEANING BREASTFED CHILDREN
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The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) updated its recommendations in June 2022 and suggests mothers should exclusively breastfeed for 6 months and continue to do so as solids are introduced. The updated report now supports breastfeeding for two years and beyond due to continued research proving the benefits of breastfeeding past twelve months old, as long as it serves both mother and child.
Weaning will begin naturally as you begin introducing solids around 6 months. However, if your child is 12 months old or younger, and breastfeeding, they’ll likely still wake up hungry in the middle of the night.
At our daughter’s 9-month appointment, I told her pediatrician she woke up every single night at midnight.
Do you know what he said to me? Most adults can’t go over five hours without something to eat, we can’t expect a baby to be able to.
This was eye-opening for me.
You can safely night-wean a healthy, breastfed baby at 12 months old. If you’re attempting to night wean a breastfed baby under 12 months old, you’ll have to supplement with formula or pump/bottle feed to ensure your child is getting enough calories.
Unless it’s something your child’s pediatrician is concerned about, try not to think about what other babies are or are not doing. You’ll get to sleep too!
Most adults can’t go over five hours without something to eat, we can’t expect a baby to.
SLEEP TRAINING VS. NIGHT WEANING
To be clear, sleep training is NOT the same as weaning.
Sleep training is giving a child the tools to create a foundation for good sleeping habits, for example, not nursing your child to sleep. Weaning is getting a child accustomed to getting their food from formula (under 12 months) or cow’s milk (over 12 months) instead of their mother’s milk.
When deciding to sleep train or wean, the most important question you want to ask yourself is, how old is your baby?
I successfully sleep-trained our daughter at 9 months old, and she still woke up two times in the middle of the night to breastfeed, which was perfectly normal!
To put things into perspective, our daughter was breastfed and bottle-fed (breastmilk and formula), and she still woke up for multiple night feedings over a year old. Do I think part of it was for comfort? One hundred percent and that’s why I sleep-trained (again) while I weaned her off the night feedings at 13 months old.
At this point, she was drinking cow’s milk, so I knew it was safe. I tried to start at 12 months but it took her a few weeks to get used to cow’s milk, and she also contracted a stomach virus around that time.
After night weaning and sleeping training again, our little nocturnal child slept 10-11 hours through the night AND STILL DOES SO AT 29 MONTHS.
TIME
- Start with one night-feeding. Attempting to cut out more than one at once may backfire and cause distress for both of you. This is a big change!
- I did not use the 2 X 2 rule but I wish I had. When she woke for her first feeding around midnight, I just refused her the breast. It was very, very difficult.
- If your child is only nursing for 5 mins or less, first try doing what I did and phase out that feed completely.
- If your child is nursing for more than 5 mins, I recommend going with the 2 x 2 strategy, especially if you’re already sensing this might be tough to get through.
STAND UP
- Do not sit where you nursed your child to sleep! Our daughter associated the rocking chair with breastfeeding, so I did not sit in that rocking chair, no matter how much my back ached from standing.
- Sometimes I’d sit on the ottoman for a break, but if your child is still trying to nurse wherever you sit, stand.
BACK TO THE BASICS
Remember the witching hour or the dreaded 4-month sleep regression? I know. You want to forget, but the tools you used then to settle your child are what you’re going to use now.
- There were nights she would cry on the floor. One night, I cried on the floor with her. I sat next to her, rubbed her back, and told her I know she was upset but Mama’s boobies were now closed for the night.
- Then I’d pick her up, rock her in my arms, and sing to her. If she thrashed and struggled to get out of my arms, I let her and repeated above.
- Soothing music didn’t work for our daughter, but she loves the song, “Gooey,” by Glass Animals. Try playing your child’s favorite song on a Bluetooth speaker as you rock her.
- If your child is turning the pages of a board book, try giving them a small one to look at in their crib. This didn’t work immediately but eventually became a distraction and comfort to her.
STAY CALM
This is the most important tool and the most difficult.
If you’re having a difficult time getting through this, how do you think your child feels? If you’re yelling and clearly frustrated, your child is going to have a hard time taking this next step.
You want them to have confidence in you that you know what you’re doing and everything will be okay. I let myself cry on the floor, but then I closed my eyes and took ten deep breaths.
TAKE DEEP BREATHS.
It might seem silly now but taking deep breaths signals to your nervous system that you need help. Deep breathing exercises may decrease stress and anxiety. The American Institute of Stress (AIS) says, “Deep breathing increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes a state of calmness.”
You’re also showing your child breathing is a tool they can use too. Children learn by imitation. Everything you do is laying a foundation for your child to be successful in handling their emotions.
My daughter gives me the side eye. Where did she learn that from? Me.
As I said before, weaning won’t be easy but in less than two weeks, my daughter was no longer waking up at midnight to eat.
It might seem silly now but taking deep breaths actually signals to your nervous system that you need help. Deep breathing decreases stress and anxiety.
I had to comfort and settle her for a (very long) week with different methods. When she was no longer screaming like a banshee or fighting to get to my breasts, I then went into my version of the Ferber method for the first waking.
After two days, she was sleeping 9-10 hours straight through the night!
TIP: If your child has previously taken a bottle, for the first couple of days, try replacing your boob with the bottle of milk. I know this might seem counterproductive, but your main goal right now is to stop her from feeding from YOU. I only did this as a last-ditch effort and sometimes it didn’t even work, but I wish I would have tried using the bottle more to help her ease into the change.
I worked on the second waking a week after, which was usually around 4:30 a.m., and immediately went into using the Ferber method. The second waking was MUCH easier to deal with.
If she woke up before 5:30 a.m., I did the Ferber method. If she woke up at 5:30 a.m. or later, we started our day but this was rare.
Since then, our daughter sleeps 10-11 hours every night, THROUGH THE NIGHT! I never thought this was possible!
What problems are you having as you’re weaning your toddler? Are you feeling mom guilt? Drop me a comment below!